I'm An Alien, I'm A Legal Alien, I'm An Englishman In New York

Alejandra's Birthday Night

The best thing about New York is leaving New York; it's horrible. Things didn't start off on the best foot when I was awoken on Friday morning by Erik with a horrible hangover after celebrating Alejandra's birthday the night before. Sitting at the back of the bus for two and a half hours, I was glad that it was empty so that I could curl up in the seat. When we arrived at our hostel/hotel, we dumped our bags and made off into the city.

Still A Little Tender

Erik, Stefanie, and Hongi had already spent some time in New York and had done most of the touristy things so first off we went into Chelsea. This is where I got my first taste of New York. We went into this market style building that was full of tat yet was absolutely heaving. I spent all of my time trying not to be in someone's way whilst we waited for Stef to finish looking around. It also didn't help that it was ridiculously hot. Once we left we began to walk along the pier which is probably the nicest part of the city. We made our way towards fifth avenue and walked towards the Rockefeller Centre to see the Christmas tree. The closer we got the more horrendous it became. All you could hear was the sound of sirens and car horns, I don't understand why they beep their horn when they can see there is no where for the car in front to go? The streets are very dirty with rubbish bags littering the streets, the smell of car fumes and sewage follows you wherever you go, and for some reason there is scaffolding everywhere. It's not even as if the buildings are nice to look at. Being a country boy from Lancashire, I did spend most of my time looking up at the sheer size of these buildings but they are so ugly. It's not like Edinburgh or York where the architecture is stunning and full of character. It's just plain ugly. 

I No Longer Like Crowds

Zzzzz

I love the idea of living in a city, after living in a small town all my life where everyone knows you, the idea of anonymity is appealing. However, the idea of being crushed to death in the crowds of New York does not. As I walked along the street you have to be aware of people cutting across your path, stepping on your feet, stopping randomly in front of you. Meanwhile the people behind you keep moving forward and pushing past you. Then every 100 yards you come across yet another level crossing that is always on red. This results in everyone crammed together on the side of the road waiting to cross. Once the light changes you then have to fight not only with the crowd going in the same direction as you, but the crowd coming straight for you in the opposite direction.

Is This The Tree Off Home Alone 2?

When we arrived at the tree, is was chaotic. So many people pushing and shoving trying to get the best photograph. It isn't even the nicest tree in the world, just big. To try and escape the crowds and entertain ourselves on the cheap, Hongi suggested that we go to the museum of contemporary art as it was free. After being in there five minutes, I think I'd sooner have been fighting the crowds outside. Some may call me uncultured or uncouth but I cannot possibly see why two hoovers, one above the other in a box is considered art. Or a pair of tights filled with sand, tied in a knot and stretched. Or a group of picture frames all with scribbles on the paper within them that look as if a toddler got hold of a pencil. It's pathetic. I was so happy when I found a chair and drifted into the land of nod for half an hour. 

Huge Portions - The Way I Like It

We left the museum and went to a Vietnamese restaurant for Hongi's birthday. One thing I still find rude in America is how they rush you in a restaurant. As soon as you finish your plate they take it away, not like England where they wait for everyone to finish. As soon as you're done they force the bill upon you, no time to chat and wait for the food to settle before deciding upon desert. Being German, Swedish, and English we left a $5 tip which we think turned out as more of an insult. The waiter came back with our change to which Erik told him, 'It's ok.' The waiter looked at him and said, 'a tip?' Erik nodded and told him that it was for him. The waiter looked down at the money in his hand and stormed off. We should have taken it back if he didn't want it. 

The Closest I'll Be Getting To An Ice Rink

The day after we took a walk through Central Park. This was what I looked forward to but yet again couldn't help but feel disappointed. It may be because it is winter but it just didn't seem very pretty, also the path was fenced off from the park with shoddy plastic making it look cheap and reminding you that you were in a city. That is if you were deaf and couldn't hear the constant sirens from the road. Once out of the park we went into a couple of shops for Erik and Stef, as I again hid from the crowds in a nice little corner that kept me out of the way. In the evening Stef and Hongi went to watch a modern dance performance whilst Erik and I wandered around the city. We went back to the big tree so that Erik could get a picture of him holding up a sign in Swedish for his girlfriend. We went into times square in a search for cheap food but quickly left after getting frustrated with the crowds. Without the girls it was a lot easier to navigate as Erik and I can find each other easily amongst a crowd as we stand head and shoulders above everyone. 

I Realised It's Not The Best Time Of Year
To Shave My Head

Should my degree not work out I have found a job I can do. Throughout the touristy places people dress up as Smurfs, Puss In Boots, Elmo etc so that people can have their picture taken with them for a tip. I did wonder if there are mascot wars in a battle for the best territory as I saw a dejected Mario walk with his head down from Elmo and the Cookie Monster. In the city that never sleeps Erik and I decided to get a couple of cans each and go back to the room to watch TV. I must be getting old.

Entertaining Myself In A Shop. The Sales
Assistant Gave Me A Nasty Look As I
Crept Round The Store Like This

On our final day I left the others in the room as I woke at 6am, showered and hopped on the subway to the centre in search of the Football Factory pub to watch Blackburn Rovers play the enemy. Arriving at 7am I was the first one in and set up stall at the bar donned in my blue and white halves. It turns out unfortunately that the game wasn't being shown on TV and so he couldn't get it up. Dejected I settled for Sky Sports News as I tucked into an English Fry-Up and a pint of Magners. AFC Wimbledon fans began to filter in to watch the game against MK Dons and a Chelsea fan was knocking about. I've never felt more at home since I arrived here. Watching Sky Sports News is more nerve racking than watching the game as things didn't sound too promising in the first half. Once we went 1-0 up things seemed to calm down although a late equaliser left a bad taste in my mouth. Look on the bright side though, we're not playing well at the moment and yet it is still 33 years since the Dingles last beat us. Happy days!

New World Trade Centre

I was now meant to meet Hongi and Stef by the south pier so set out walking south. I navigated my way through China Town and was horrified at how dirty the place is. It makes the parts of New York I saw previously look spotless. Using my phone for navigation I told Hongi that I should be there in 20 minutes once I was roughly in the right place but my phone is about to die. I arrived 25 minutes late and saw no sign of them. Waiting for a further hour I came to the conclusion that they had left and I had no way of finding them. I decided to walk to Ground Zero and see the new towers but once I got close the huge crowds made me desert the idea of walking through the city and I made my way to the west coast of Manhattan and start walking north back to the hotel/hostel. This was probably my best time in New York as there was no one here but runners, cyclists, dog walkers, and the occasional walker. The sun came out and the walk was nice as I looked out to the sea. What I did find funny is that there are so called parks all along the pier, despite how small they are. At home it would just be classed as a patch of grass, not a park. All the while the highway runs along the side of said parks. No matter how much you try to get away from the city, you can always hear or smell it. Finally getting back after a 15 mile walk, I bought biscuits, crisps, and coke for tea whilst I sat in the hostel/hotel watching films as I waited for the others. 

Leaving to catch the bus I have never been so happy to be back in New Britain and the oven that is Carroll. My friend Art says that he'll take me next semester and show me the real New York so I change my mind. We'll have to wait and see